I can be such a twit.

I imagine Jesus shaking his head and sighing deeply over me just like he did with the Pharisees and even his own disciples (Mark 8:11-21). They just didn’t get it.

About 15 years ago when my son was first diagnosed with autism, we heard about a therapy program that could help him. It helped “cure” a number of other children. Problem was, it would cost about $10,000 just to start. We didn’t have that kind of money even on our credit cards.

Then Jesus performed a miracle: Orange County decided they were going to widen the road that ran alongside our house and wanted to buy a triangular strip of our land. They offered us $36,000 for 25-square-feet of weeds. We got the check three days before we were supposed to fly out of state to start Tristan’s treatment.

That’s one of those fish ‘n’ loaf miracles (Mark 6:35-44, 8:1-10).

Since that time, he has performed similar feats in my life. Even when I went through a very painful separation from my husband, Jesus never left. When I thought I would drown in my grief, Jesus kept me from sinking. My bills were always paid. I always had food in the pantry. I even got a new car. And there was always a little left over (8:19-20) to do special things like take my girls on their first undersea adventure in the Florida Keys.

In the last couple months, challenges in the public school system are forcing me to change course in my teaching career. It’s a little scary–I don’t know if I’m going to have a job next fall. The codependent spirit in me is freaking out and wanting to hit the street flyering every local high school with my resume.

And then I read Mark and see Jesus’ indulgent smile. “Don’t you get it yet?”

I’m trying. I really am.

Jesus was amazed when he ran across people that had great faith because he ran across so many that didn’t. I don’t want to be a Pharisee or even one of his pre-resurrection disciples.

I want to be the bleeding woman (Mark 5:25-34).

I want to be the leper and the centurion (Matthew 8:1-10)

I want to be the friends of the paralytic (Mark 2:3-5).

Jesus said, “When the Son of Man returns, will he find faith on the earth?” (Luke 18:8)

Please, God, let him find it in me.