I went to “school” for it, spent years perfecting it, and even got “paid” for my dedicated service. I just didn’t realize any of that until recently.
I have a friend who’s an expert on social drugs. He fulfills all the qualifications I did on co-dependency—school, years, and payment (literally and figuratively). He can I.D. the vaguest aroma of pot in the air, mark anyone with a light buzz-on, and pick out a stoner across the room without looking in their eyes.
I’m better. I don’t need another co-dependent in the room with me. I can spot ‘em across social media channels, over a phone line, or in the printed word. They stand out like Mouse’s Girl in the Red Dress (a Matrix-reference).
Now we self-aware co-dependents don’t mind using that term. We’re dealing with our dirt, facing our past, and all the other psycho-babble that goes with it.
But for those who haven’t seen the light yet, “control-freak” is a more acceptable term, “type-A personality”, “anal”, “perfectionist”, and the less popular “people-pleaser”. Ring any bells yet?
Maybe you’re not one of our elite ranks. Most of us are either accused or deceived. My co-dependency was so acute, I was both. A therapist’s dream.
I should have spent years on a counselor’s couch. I should have spent big bucks on mental health co-pays and days in a straight jacket, lining some pharmaceutical reps pockets.
What stopped me from doing the same stupid things over and over again expecting different results (that’s called insanity, by the way)? Who showed me that the elusive thing called control would ever be sand, oil, and water in my hand? What finally got through to me that I couldn’t change anyone, not even myself?
God, and a few other addicts. Control addicts.
There, I said it. The “A” word. You read it. How does it feel?
I hope you’re not like me (if not, keep looking–you’ll find some other way you’re messed up).
But if you are, if you even have an inkling, if anything I say resonates somewhere deep down, I hope you’ll join me. ‘Scribe to the tribe, so to speak.
There’s hope for you. There’s a chance you can get off the carousel and step out of the endless loop. As Isaiah said, “Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy?” (55:2)
Got a question about co-dependency? Drop me a line. Want to know what kept me from a padded cell? Shoot me an email. I’ll tell you.
And I promise not to force you to do anything you don’t want to do. I don’t do that anymore. Well, I’m working on it.