Eureka! I’ve discovered it! The secret to all the complexities in the universe regarding male and female wiring.
It’s quite simple really. The theory is called the Pot and the Pigeonhole. And it’s the secret to understanding in the incomprehensible opposite-sex.
Women #101
Okay, guys. First, it’s your turn. Pay attention now. For women, life is one large Pot. Imagine a giant black caldron and your significant female standing beside it stirring. Every single event in her life, major or minor, is an ingredient that either goes into or out of that Pot.
PLOP!
On a routine day, one by one, every episode in her life gets thrown into the pot. First, the multiple challenges that accompany the average weekday morning scramble for work with or without children [plop], the dog or cat needs to be fed [plop], getting out of the door on time [plop], the drive through rush hour traffic [plop], the half-dozen errands before getting to work [plop-plop-plop], and then the typical intense workday [plop…plop…plop].
For most women, this is an average day, the pot is ¾ full and it’s simmering steadily all day long. And that’s good. Simmering is good. It’s functional. It’s handle-able. They come home [plop], fix dinner [plop], help the kids with homework [plop], make sure everyone gets to bed at a decent hour [plop] before emptying, cleaning, and setting their pot in the dish rack overnight.
Toxic Spill
Now, take the not-so-average day. The day you get a frantic call from your female partner and she’s threatening to turn into on-coming traffic on the interstate or hang herself with dental floss. That morning, the alarm didn’t go off on time [PLOP!], everyone else in the house moves like they’re catatonic [PLLLLOOOOOPPPP], the dog threw up on the carpet and the cat missed the litter box [PLOP! PLOP!], she’s 20 minutes late getting out the door [PLOP], there’s a nasty accident on the way to work leaving her playing Kiss the Bumper with the car in front of hers for 15 agonizing minutes [PLOP!], only to arrive at work to realize she didn’t pick up the bagels and doughnuts everyone was expecting for the weekly staff meeting [#*&PLOP%#@!]. Now, not only have the contents of her caldron run over the edges of her pot, but they’re pooling around her ankles on the floor like sewage.
It’s a Guy Thing
Women, now it’s your turn. I’ll explain why given the exact same day, your male partner can waltz through it like Fred Astaire. That’s because he sees everything in life as a series of pigeonholes. Imagine a panel with a series of small boxes where you can fit something small inside. This is how most men see the world. Everything in their life is in a series of little compartments. Most of the time, they only deal with any ONE thing at a time. (That’s why most men can’t cook dinner, help the kids with the homework, and do laundry at the same time. At least not without turning all the whites into pinks.)
For guys, getting ready for work in the morning has its own little compartment. They open that pigeonhole when they get up, mess around in it, and close it up. Then they move on to the next cubicle–say, getting to work. Once they arrive at work, they close that little cubby for the day. Each and every meeting, each and every situation at work has its own little compartment and while there may be a mess in one box, it has absolutely NOTHING to do with another box. So when they are done, they just close it and move on.
The Great Divide
So how do we bridge these two islands? What, oh, what was God thinking when he wired men and women SOOOO completely different? Actually, probably, that we would be a perfect match. Like day and night, hot and cold, yin and yang. Oreos and milk.
My Hero
Guys, how can you be the hero and bring peace to a situation when the females in your life are moping up the muck covering the floor? Easy. First, don’t head for your cave when you come home, not yet anyway. Do yourself a favor and take some of those ingredients out of your female’s pot. Ask them what you can do. Help them get that caldron down to simmer and aid them in keeping it there for a few days and you can pretty much guarantee they’ll be buying you a cape.
Straining Out the Gnats
Gals, if the men in your life can’t grasp how the pile of dirty dishes in the kitchen sink has everything to do with you breaking the heel of your favorite shoes, losing your yoga mat, and forgetting to pick up milk on the way home–it’s okay. Because they can compartmentalize, the men in our life can be like a filter that helps us strain the important from the urgent from the benign. And if we’re honest with ourselves, life really is easier if we can just handle things one at a time like our male companions.
Just don’t ask them to do the laundry.
Disclaimer–I understand that not ALL male-female relationships are like those mentioned above. Some men, like my hubby, do the laundry quite adeptly and with practice learn how to multi-task. I think I’ll keep him.
