If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it 100 times: I’m a control freak by nature and–thank you, Mom–by nurture as well. It’s what I’ve defaulted to time and time again when chaos threatens the order of my world.
I also default to Oreos and milk before bed, Christian music in the car, and a good teeth (and tongue) brushing right out of bed in the morning. I default to tank tops, checking my cellphone for messages (at least 10 times a day), and turning off the lights in the rooms I exit. I default to sleeping on my side, carrying my purse on my right shoulder, and shaking my hair out of my eyes.
I also default to unflattering name-calling of other drivers, an unmade bed, and the procrastination of house repairs.
Recently a dear friend said she wanted trusting God to become her default response when life gave her a good shake. And that thought resonated with me.
What is my default when one of my kids does a kid thing and spills sticky juice on my freshly mopped kitchen floor? What is my default when I have too much month left at the end of my money? What is my default when someone sideswipes my new car in the Target parking lot and drives away (yes, this did happen last week)?
It’s not peace or calm or trust. But I want it to be.
Yes, I’ve had my good moments. I was pretty calm and trusting directing the live performance of “Table for Two.” But that was a God-thing anyway. I’d had a year of writing and rehearsals to practice trusting him for the premiere.
I think it’s life’s little surprises or inconveniences that catch me off-guard. When my kids forget their Tai Kwan Do belt and we’re already running late for class. When someone finished the last egg or last ½ cup of milk and tells me we need more right after I return from grocery shopping. When the lady in the front of the grocery line pulls out her wade of coupons and I have 10 minutes to get home.
It’s in those times I long for my default to be trust in a God that’s got it all in his hands.
Have you ever considered that the great I AM isn’t bound by time and space so past, present, and future are all the same for him? He knew about my new middle school teaching job even before I got it, even before I interviewed, even before I applied. He knows if the mortgage company is going to work with me on letting me keep my house after I just declared bankruptcy. And if they don’t, he’s already got the perfect place for me and my kids to move.
Last week I asked God to help me continue to make trusting him my default. I had to consider this request before I let the words out of my mouth. You can’t be courageous without fear, you can’t become strong until you’ve been weak, and you can’t trust you’ll be caught until you actually throw out your arms and abandon yourself to the fall.
God’s got guns (arms) bigger than Arnold, Sly, Vin, Dwayne, and Hugh put together, and he hasn’t dropped me yet.